I quit my job

I wanted a break, so I quit my job. At the worst time ever.

I made a mistake. A selfish one.

Being unemployed is taking its toll on me. When I worked 45-50 hours/week, I often felt that if I had more time I could work harder on The SweaterVest. Knit more. Make more. Do more. But generating very little income brings me down. Way down.

I did have a small glimmer of light this morning. Probably because I had a few hours of work to look forward to. I am learning that this balance is what fuels me. When I have work, I am more motivated to create things. I had all of Monday and Tuesday to devote to The SweaterVest, yet I did more knitting and planning today than I did on Monday and Tuesday combined.

I have realized that when money is tight, it is important to let the light in. Even when my bank account is tapped out, I have always had something to fall back on. And I am beyond grateful for that.

I'm really not poor. I live in the Bay Area, I make good money (when I'm not making stupid choices), and I have an amazing boyfriend. I have family close by. It's baseball season, and I don't need to have the cable bill paid to know how well (or how bad) the Giants are doing. We have plenty of books. And of course, yarn. We have a car that runs well. And even if that fails us, we have two pretty fantastic bikes.

I am not completely out of luck.

Though, luck is wearing thin. And it is important to recognize that this is indeed luck. No more mistakes.

I cannot go back in time. That may sound like a cop-out, but it's true. I cannot change what I have already done. I can only do what is in front of me. Clean the kitchen. Make some food. Go for a walk. A run. A bike ride. Knit. Read. Drink coffee. Find a balance. It is terrifying how peaceful, how natural, things become, when it is the only thing left to do.

House-Sitting and Shawls

I have been house-sitting for my dad and step-mom, Lolita, for the last week. 

I lived here with my dad and Lo for a short period of time after my divorce and before moving in with Thomas, so it's like a second home. 

Gray Cat and Black Cat are great company.

  

I started working on this shawl the other day.

The pattern is one that I knit a few years ago. For Lolita.

I have a sort of love-hate relationship with Lolita's shawl. 

First off, it was a kit I purchased from Knit Picks. I was still a pretty new knitter at the time. I couldn't understand why anyone would spend more money at the local yarn store down the street when one could easily attain boxes of mass-produced yarn online. 

// In later blog-posts, I will get into more detail of the importance of buying locally. For now, think of it like food: You can easily purchase conventionally grown fruits and vegetables from SafeWay (or Vons, for my Fresno friends), or you can support your local farmers, buy organic produce, milk from happy cows, etc. //  

Another bummer about the shawl is that the pattern had a few issues. There were mistakes in the first chart, so the website put out an errata to remedy the situation. Unfortunately, the errata also had errors.   

Third, shawls grow. Constantly. Every other row, stitches are added to the garment. This means, every other row, minutes are added. By the time I was at the end of Lolita's shawl, it took me about an hour to get through one row.

On the plus side, I ended up with one of the most beautiful garments I had ever completed. And Lolita loves it. After blocking the piece, I told myself that I would probably never make another shawl ever again. 

So here I am. Starting another shawl.

  

With Gray Cat by my side.

The Office

This is where I knit. 

When I work here, this corner is my office. When it's mealtime, it is the dining room. And when this area isn't being used, it is simply a table in the corner of our bedroom. 

It is my favourite room in our apartment.

When I think about growth, it isn't usually something as simple as getting up and opening the blinds. But within the last few weeks, I have come to appreciate the morning light coming through these windows. I have realized that this table has provided a space for me. It has given me the ability to continue to grow in the craft that I have been so blessed to be part of. 

Sitting down with a pair of needles and a ball of yarn is a wonderful feeling. But being able to sit down with my notebook, a cup of coffee, and my latest knitting project feels so empowering. *Knit a few rows, sip some coffee, write down my thoughts. Repeat from * .

  I can get used to this.

 Of course, this space isn't all about cups of coffee and luxury yarns. Like I said, this is my office. Where I work. Along with that stillness in the quiet morning comes a sense of responsibility. When I begin treating my art as my job, that is when my work has the best results. 

It's time for me to be bold. It's time to start taking my business -- my talent, my passion -- seriously. It's time I put some worth in the work that I have accomplished.