I quit my job

I wanted a break, so I quit my job. At the worst time ever.

I made a mistake. A selfish one.

Being unemployed is taking its toll on me. When I worked 45-50 hours/week, I often felt that if I had more time I could work harder on The SweaterVest. Knit more. Make more. Do more. But generating very little income brings me down. Way down.

I did have a small glimmer of light this morning. Probably because I had a few hours of work to look forward to. I am learning that this balance is what fuels me. When I have work, I am more motivated to create things. I had all of Monday and Tuesday to devote to The SweaterVest, yet I did more knitting and planning today than I did on Monday and Tuesday combined.

I have realized that when money is tight, it is important to let the light in. Even when my bank account is tapped out, I have always had something to fall back on. And I am beyond grateful for that.

I'm really not poor. I live in the Bay Area, I make good money (when I'm not making stupid choices), and I have an amazing boyfriend. I have family close by. It's baseball season, and I don't need to have the cable bill paid to know how well (or how bad) the Giants are doing. We have plenty of books. And of course, yarn. We have a car that runs well. And even if that fails us, we have two pretty fantastic bikes.

I am not completely out of luck.

Though, luck is wearing thin. And it is important to recognize that this is indeed luck. No more mistakes.

I cannot go back in time. That may sound like a cop-out, but it's true. I cannot change what I have already done. I can only do what is in front of me. Clean the kitchen. Make some food. Go for a walk. A run. A bike ride. Knit. Read. Drink coffee. Find a balance. It is terrifying how peaceful, how natural, things become, when it is the only thing left to do.